is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
