Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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