did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want a musical about memes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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