I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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