The maid of honor just puked.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
