To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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