On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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