seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
