So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
