It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
