I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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