eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
