Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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