I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
