sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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