I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
