dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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