You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
