I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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