I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
