you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
