Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
