I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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