True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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