Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
