We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
