I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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