Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
