it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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