sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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