Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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