It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
