1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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