Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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