and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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