sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
