why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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