i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
