so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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