so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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