What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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