stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my poor anus
It's rum buckets o'clock
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
