My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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