we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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