i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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