awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
