You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
