you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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