well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
