dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
a search helicopter?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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