All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
