The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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