I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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