i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it because I queefed?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
