I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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