you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
