Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did i walk over a car last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
