just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The uberlube is also flammable
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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