I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
