apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
