Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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