planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
