she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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