today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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