I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
