i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
