i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
