naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
