just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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