just tell him i said nine months
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is Oprah even human
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
