So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
