If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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