i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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