How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
