Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
